Feature Story                                             The News Corner

Onboard Hurling: 101

   Heave Ho!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fill out the electronic membership form and click Submit or just Print it out and mail it in. Membership Form

When the seas kick up, it’s hard enough keeping down your lunch, but when booze is involved, it may be impossible. Follow our handy spewing guide and learn to upchuck like a pro!

 

1. Go forth with pride! No one likes to see a wimpy attempt to block it with your fingers.

Announce your intentions with conviction -”I’m gonna Puke!” - calmly walk to the transom, and projectile vomit with more force than Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Turn your head 360 degrees if possible.

2. Never hurl into the wind. This one’s self-explanatory. We hope.

3. Heave in the troughs of the waves, not the peaks. Above all, you want to keep yourself clean.  If you blow your cookies while the boat’s descending, you’ll likely taste it again.

4. Never let loose in or on the boat. A spew-soaked deck is a slick deck, and nothings grosser than slipping in someone else’s barf. Tip: Always avoid hitting anyone onboard, too.

5. Don’t apologize - Even if you hit people (see rule #1). You announced your intentions, so they knew the risk.

6. Never throw up in the head. The confined quarters will make you, and the rest of the crew, sicker than before.

7. When fishing, make your lunch do double duty. Aim for the chum slick.

Boating Magazine, Feb 05

Where the beer really goes

 

Head Room

 

Capt. Jerry Dolezal of Seattle, Washington, tell us that it’s not the size of the boat, but the capacity of its holding tank that determines the number of guests who can party. How fast the tank fills up depends on the drink you serve. Once processed, each 12-ounce beer takes up 8 ounces in the holding tank. He estimates that during a typical two-hour sunset cruise, each passenger consumes four beers, which makes a ratio of one guest per quart of holding-tank capacity. Sodas, because people drink more of them, will mean he can carry fewer guests. Lemonade or iced tea are great thirst quenchers, so you don’t drink as much and have room for more guest.

Tales from The Drunk Side

Pontoon Buffoon  While at the Lake of the Ozarks, a family unwittingly hired an inebriated captain. Everything went well until the captain poured on the power and swerved hard left. Weighed down by tumbling passengers and a cooler full of beer, the boat tipped over to a 45-degree angle and stayed that way. The captain then got too close to the rocks and snapped off the prop. They got towed back, and the captain was arrested. Luckily, the cooler escaped unharmed.

 

May I Play Through? A drunk boater, cruising way too fast, turned into what he thought was his lakeside house in a cove and beached his boat on the 15th green of a golf course. All three passengers survived, but no one saved par.

 

Love Bites  An inebriated Rhode Island angler had to be taken to the emergency room following a night of fishing. After catching his first-ever bluefish, the excited angler kissed the toothy critter on the mouth. The bluefish kissed him back, biting down on his tongue.

Boating Magazine, Feb 05